Wednesday
Tennis opened proceedings at the Garrison. The Islanders could muster only four players and the Mals took full advantage: 2–0.

At Five Islands School, Oli Collins’ volleyballers swamped St Mary’s 21–11, Stephen Perris starring. Could this be the year?

Kevin Ridges’ Mals Mavericks also performed admirably, Elliott “The Informer” Hick winning countless admirers on the Five Islands circuit. Sadly, they lost 17–16 — our first defeat of 2025. Someone had to do it.

Dodgeball restored pride with a 2–1 victory under Darrel Foulk, Tom Field taking the Jammiest Dodger award.

The Vets’ 5-a-side was again a step too far. A game of two halves and several other useful clichés ended 6–5 to the Islanders. Jamie Pooley collected the prestigious Goalhanger of the Day award.

First-night dinner was its customary quiet affair. Tregarthen’s new manager, Maria Warren, introduced the staff before soon-to-be ex-President Rob Epton and the body of the Mals flushed in new President Dave Dallaway. His reign of terror began.

Andy Smith introduced son William; David Nottingham introduced Stephen Perris. Jack Cavilla had a note, so was excused until Thursday. Tom Field, Ian Rees-Evans and Geoff Snell, despite previous warnings, returned to be flushed in as fully-fledged Mals. Is it lights out already?

Thursday
Officer of the Day and President-Elect Darrel Foulk woke everyone for breakfast before the Perry Pot. Nice to see a proper golfer drive into office — 208 paces, obviously pacing himself for the week. Elliott Hick won the Pot and also guessed the Prez would scuff it 209.

The Morgan Mug for Goofers went to sombrero-wearing bandito Ricardo Tredwell with 37 points.

Down to Porthmellon, where Sean Calfe had selected a strong beach football squad, mainly relations and Arsenal supporters. What could possibly go wrong? Nothing, surprisingly: Mals 4–3, second cousin Matt Dunn Man of the Match.

The swimming team maintained its unbeaten record in another fiercely uncontested match. Andy “The Hoff” Smith entered the sea in full Baywatch mode — similarities to launching the Bismarck were noted.

In beach volleyball, Stevie Dann cleverly saved his best players until the final two legs. Mals 2–1. Proof that the brain is mightier than the legs. Tom Field MoM.

Hockey followed, Geoff Snell recently sworn in — or at — taking the captaincy. The tactical masterplan was simple: Geoff protects the goalie and hits the ball towards everyone else. Remarkably, it worked. Mals 4–2, Jamie Pooley again Best Goalhanger.

Then to the Scillonian Club.

Darts: Mals 4–9. We haven’t seen that trophy for a while. We still haven’t.

Pool: New captain Elliott Hick — cometh the man, cometh the cue ball. Already winner of the golf and President’s Drive guess, could he complete the hat-trick? Indeed: 7–4, with sterling work from the Prez, Andy Smith and William Grosvenor-Smith.

Snooker returned to the Scillonian Crucible and finished 2–2. Well captained, Mike Loggin, and thanks as ever to everyone at the Scillonian Club for another excellent evening.

Friday
Wind and rain greeted breakfast and the George Twist Tankards, gruesome foursomes Stableford. James Barry and Richard Tredwell triumphed with 22 points, Tom Field and Matt Dunn a distant second on 19.

Then one of the Trip highlights: Mals v Islanders golf. Cue Gladiator. Captain Andy Smith — Crappus Puttus — cried, “On my signal, unleash hell.”

Unfortunately, the Islanders did.

7–2.

Thanks particularly to the caddies who stuck manfully to their tasks in dreadful weather.

The same weather dispatched bowls and gig racing. Home for tea and medals.

Badminton, rifle shooting and archery survived. Keith Williams and David Epton led the first two to gallant second places, while Rob Epton restored honour with victory in the archery.

Saturday
Where was the promised Indian summer? 50mph winds and chilly.

After the Bishop’s Beaker and Nosworthy Noggin, jumpers were required for cricket at the Garrison.

The Mals batted first and made 132, captain Richard Tredwell leading magnificently with 64. Fine bowling followed, Family Hick taking useful wickets, and the Mals completed a memorable victory over a strong St Mary’s side.

According to historians present, our first win in a generation — about 15 years.

Then football. Young legs were deployed but, after several hard days, the Islanders’ noses got in front and stayed there: 4–0.

Soon be time for an aperitif.

Not quite. Two events remained.

Tom Field’s quiz produced a tight contest, the Mals Boffins winning by five points.

Meanwhile, at The Mermaid, our proper athletes were under Tom Hinchley’s strict training regime, sinking as many quenchers as possible. All for the sake of sport.

The boat race, following previous skulduggery, was naturally broadcast live on Sky Sports. The Mals drank considerably faster than the Islanders. Another victory safely in the bag.

Sunday
Our final full day began cool. The clay pigeon team headed for the airport while tennis and cricket crossed to Tresco.

The cricketers, like the England team, appeared to have broken curfew. A very winnable game ended in a woeful collapse and defeat.

The tennis squad had seemingly been on the same cocktails, making heavy weather of their second leg and losing 2–0.

Surely the shooters would raise the spirits.

Unfortunately not.

Guest Night

Guest Night gave us the chance to meet our Island friends without the inconvenience of competing against them.

President Dave Dallaway toasted our hosts, with Adam May responding and telling us about Alfie Bennett, recipient of the 2025 Mals Merit Award.

The Future Fund draw produced a pleasing mixture of Island and Mal winners. Tom Field received the Ben Gurion Award and Oli Collins the Endeavour Trophy.

Then Scouse culture interpreted by the Thespians.

Would it explore the shared traditions and identity of a community — or perhaps bacterial growth?

Thankfully neither.

Instead, we had a Scouser finding his way in the world before finally meeting a bloke who could play a bent trumpet.

And so another Trip ended for this most unique of sporting clubs at this most unique of venues — friendships renewed, reputations damaged and our mutual love of sport and camaraderie firmly re-established.

Until next year.