The ‘Punk of the Day’ ably assisted by Ben Jakes made sure lunch for forty ran smoothly. Thank you boys and thank you Chris Hopkins and team for making our trip to Bryher a memorable one. Time for sport and our tennis captain assured us that once he had picked the best partner for doubles, the first leg of the tennis would go ahead at the Garrison on time.

A fairly long-winded affair gave the Mals a 2-1 lead after the first leg. Just the start we needed. Now for the school, a good opportunity to expand our lead, especially with all the young sportsman we had on the Trip. We lost at the table tennis 26-22, but according to the Captain “Everyone had a good time!” Obviously he must have switched off during the DG briefing… The volleyballers showed some grit and won, but the Mal de Mer Globetrotters had victory ‘snatched’ from them. The Vet’s 5-a-side footballers unfortunately faired no better and lost for the second year in a row! Not quite the start we had envisaged with all this young talent.

First night dinner, out with the old, in with the new, let’s hope there’s no spitting and swearing. Emperor Epton fell on his sword and President Pete took over the reins (surely reigns … Ed). Whilst still feeling flushed, the new President and Mals flushed in Charlie Applewhite, Will Cooke and, (where have you been all this time?) Kevin Adcock. Dee and Craig introduced the hotel staff to the Mals and this was closely followed by sponsors of New Boys selling us the benefits of their superstars. Welcome Henry, Elliot, Michael, Sean, Stephen, Jack and David. As is the ‘Spirit of the Mals’, various people were blamed for the poor start of the teams and some hard tactics were discussed over several gallons of beer! Then it was time for some more beer and then bed.

Thursday morning arrived sooner than we thought and a bit greyer than we hoped. Punk of the Day Ciaron had arranged a police escort to the golf course for the Perry Pot and Morgan Mug competitions. Michael Young winning the former, with Dave Truby winning the latter. Despite the inclement weather and the incoming tide it was all down to the beach for football, swimming and volleyball.

We kicked off with the beach football and despite a younger squad and the incoming tide, we were always on the wrack! (see what I did there?) The conditions were not a lot of kelp, (that’s enough Ed!!!) and our wide game ebbed and flowed into a 12-5 defeat.

The annual Club swim started off badly and little did we know would end in similar fashion. On approaching the Atlantic (the ocean, not the pub) the President was attacked from behind by Smiffy, (who earlier in the day had been seen riding in the back of a police car) luckily the Prezzies experience in aqua-planing saw him in good stead. We counted them all out and we counted them all back, and just as everyone had got over the pretence of the euphoria of it all, one of our number collapsed on the beach. Not only one of our number, but Harry, the founder and undefeated captain of the Mals Swimming Club. I would like to say that without the timely intervention of Richard and Amelia Mills, goodness knows what the outcome would have been. An ambulance was called immediately and Amelia and Richard worked tirelessly on Harry, keeping him warm and in a conscious state. The ambulance eventually arrived and Harry slid into delirium when he declared he was ‘on holiday’ in the Scillies! The sombre mood did not deter the Mals from winning at hockey (0-3), and declaring a no-show victory at soft-ball. It was only right that we allowed the Islanders to win 2-0 at beach volleyball! Again, a very big thank you to St.Mary’s very own David Hasselhoff and Pamela Andersen.

The “underlying” mood persisted and the results at the Scillonian reflected that, with defeats
at darts, pool and snooker. Back to Tregarthen’s for some stiff words and even stiffer drinks. A big thank you to Ciaron (Punk of the Day) who kept us all informed with regular bulletins on Harry’s recovery.

Friday broke cooler and windier with a chance of storms. The Mals had obviously upset someone! The golf competition was the very difficult 9 hole American Foursomes and the whole mood of the Trip was lightened when the DG and Kevin ‘The Putter’ Adcock were declared winners, beating David Nottingham and somebody else into second place! This was just the motivation needed for the golf match. Somehow the Islanders were more excited about the DG’s victory and won quite comfortably. The Bowls team faired no better and also lost,

Back to HQ for more extra stiff words. Wilf Feely proposed a toast to all seven of the New Boys, and Elliot Blenkhorn responded, somewhat inadvisedly, when he compared the DG to some sort of ‘Del boy’ character! What do you want for a fiver? Harry reappeared at dinner and gave the Mals an update on his recovery. Apparently he had been diagnosed with an ‘underlying condition’ I would like to say that the room fell silent, but no, everyone to a man agreed with the diagnosis!

Unfortunately the badminton captain’s Juliette’s Garden strategy meeting didn’t go to plan and the Islanders won 3-1. Luckily better news from the front as Gunner Sergeant Epton not only achieved a maximum but a well deserved victory for the Mals. Success breeds success and our own Alan (A Dale) Guest led the Mals to another stunning win at the archery.

Could the weather get any worserer? I am afraid yes it could! The Bishop’s Beaker was won by Ben Jakes with the Organizator a close second on countback and the Goofers Noseworthy Noggin was won again by the Prez with Steve Pickard in second. Worserer turned out to be an understatement, and the cricket was cancelled without a ball being bowled. This gave the youthful football squad time to complete their hectic preparations in good time. Despite the poor weather, a good crowd saw the Mals go down 8-3. The score flattered the Wanderer’s, with the Mals full of running and endeavour.

Quiz night and the Mals were asked many questions during the quiz, although unfortunately their answers weren’t as correct as the Islanders! The Mermaid now beckoned the young guns of the boat race team. Thankfully Keith Williams had failed a late fitness test and the Captain, Dave Truby was ably backed by Charlie Applewhite, Henry Hope-Hawkins, Will Cooke and Elliot Blenkhorn. The first leg was claimed by the St. Mary’s, and I use that word advisedly. The video replay showed skullduggery in the ranks of the Island team and a rematch provided the Mals with a comfortable win. The second leg gave the Mals a decisive victory! The Islanders called for an extra leg as they were still feeling thirsty, and Charlie, Henry and Elliot sunk their pints in 11 seconds! Needless to say, the Islanders were nowhere to be seen. Charlie’s comment after the victory “Feel a bit full now!” A good end to the day – back to HQ for a sing song.

Late breakfast on Sunday is always a sign that the mission is getting near completion. As usual the clay pigeon team shot down the runway, whilst the remainder of the Mals boarded the ‘Surprise‘ for the trip to Tresco. The crossing was a bit rougher than normal, but luckily all the Mals made it safely to Carn Nea, the most southerly point of the island.

The second leg of the tennis, despite the gales, started on time. In front of a capacity crowd a tense start was soon calmed, and Galloway’s squad selection proved too much for the plucky Islander’s, with the Mals serving out 4-2 winners and therefore winning the match. The cricket, due to all sorts of outside influences, would now be a 100 ball game. Tresco batted first and reached 58-5. Highlights were as follows. Dave Truby 2-12, Paul Calfe 2-11 and despite feeling washed up, Harry Marsland 1-5. A member of the Davidge family caught the ball, David Nottingham didn’t and feigned injury. The Mals reached their target quite comfortably, with the loss of only one wicket. ‘Man of the Match’ Dave Truby scored 35 runs not out and the Mals won by 9 wickets. Back to St. Mary’s for the footie second leg. Usually this leg is full of backs to the wall, never say die spirit and this was no exception. I think mission fatigue played into our hand’s and a very controlled game finished 1-1. Well done boys!

Guest night dinner! Where does the time go? A really special event this year as we not only welcomed our Island guests, but thanked Mr.& Mrs. Mills for their first and second responder duties on Porthmellon beach. A bouquet of flowers were presented to Richard and let’s hope they made it home to Amelia. Fraser said many kind words about the Mal de Mers and the President responded. Sarah Jenkins then told us all about Leilani Dawes, who was the recipient of this years Mal de Mer Merit award, and then it was time for the thespians. After last years ‘Zombie chainsaw’ theme, it was nice to get back to a musical! A Punk Queen, Prince Philip, Jimmy Saville and Rolf Harris made appearances and it all ended in a jolly good sing song! Cries of “How do they do it?” (Or was that “Why do they do it?”) filled the air in the bar afterward’s.

Last full day, here goes! The weather looked very placid despite the forecast. The Texas Shambles competition was fittingly won by The Organizator, Stewart (I’m off 36) Ward, Steve Wilson with Roy Bound as guest putter, who all obviously perform well on soft going, with a bit of a breeze. Unfortunately the wet weather, along with a lack of opposition and the low/high tide, meant the afternoon’s cricket against St. Martin’s was cancelled. So just the gigs to go now then… The rain never ceased during the afternoon, and the wind gathered strength, so with safety in mind the gigs were also cancelled. Well what to do now? Was that a clap of thunder? No it was a clapping competition down the Atlantic! All far too complicated to explain here, but the younger Mals and New Boys had been playing this all week. Singles, doubles and even some self infliction too. The Islanders never put up a side, so it was time for a sing song. Forty Mals in full voice with some local friends, standing in the rain, with the tide about to flood the pub beer garden will live long in the memory!

Alas theme night was beckoning, time to ‘Punk up!’ Some scary people attended dinner but as always a great evening was had by all! Trophies were presented and bar bills paid. Time for bed.

Another successful Trip, not quite the sporting result we wanted, but hey wasn’t it all great fun anyway eh?